When Kids are Sick

Watching someone we love fall ill is difficult. The feeling of helplessness can fill us. The deep and primal fear of losing our child can be powerful, the frustration intense.

The column this week does not address serious or life-threatening illness. I propose this as an exercise in learning optimism, if possible. Repeatedly watching the cycle of illness back into health can give us confidence that this system is predominantly sound.

Part of childhood involves building an immune system and becoming strong in our ability to work with disease.  Most of what a parent offers is comfort and support. We offer them whatever basic sustenance they can take in, bits of food, fluids. We keep them clean, clearing away all forms of body fluid with no fear for our own safety.

The medical professionals we seek assistance from during a child’s health crisis, traditional or alternative, are viewed with respect and awe, as they should be. However, it may be crucial, as one mom shared with me, to place them in a role of schooled collaborator, instead of omnipotent dictator.

Each practitioner can become of an island unto themselves, with their own education, viewpoint and experience. When more than one health care provider is consulted, they often have no communication whatsoever with each other. Each may be unaware of advice and even medication given by another.

It is the parent’s job to be manager of the whole project, staying organized and sharing pertinent facts to all involved so that the wisest choices can be made. Taking detailed notes and working in a logical fashion helps combat the weariness and absentmindedness that come with lack of sleep and stress.

We are our children’s best, and sometimes only, advocate within a complex system of care. It can place us in a position of asking difficult, sometimes repetitive questions until we have clear understanding and decisions can be formed. We may have to be quite ”assertive” and “impose” on these providers in order to get the needs of our families met.

I personally had a great deal of difficulty with this when my daughter was hospitalized at 3 months old. I finally realized that, like it or not, I was at heart a fierce Mama Bear and accepted the fact that I may not be pleasing to everyone at all times. My job was to serve my child’s best interest in any way I could.

I took solace in the fact that I was not in that environment to make new friends but to achieve appropriate and thorough care for my child. A polite but clear, firm attitude became a mindset I use still today.

Maintaining our own solid footing in body, mind and spirit is key. The balance of nurturing our child as well as caring for ourself is a delicate one. It is not a good time to neglect our own needs. Mothers I interviewed wisely suggested napping daily the day during a child’s illness, as nights are often wakeful. Another idea is to take Emergen-C or other supportive supplements, thus preventing microbes from overcoming us as well.

Speaking with other parents and keeping a connection to the world outside the sick-house helps us with perspective, humor, gives us fresh ideas for coping. I am forever thankful to the wise mother who suggested making a thick stack of layered towels in the bed under my vomiting child’s upper body. As they became soiled, I was able to peel off the top layer and access a fresh towel without disturbing my child much. Brilliant!

I was so glad that I admitted my struggles and asked for help. A few good reference books about children’s health can be empowering. Fresh smoothies, books/DVDs and the quiet patience needed to “lay low” for a while have served my family well over many years of normal childhood maladies as well.

As we witness our beloveds overcome these sometimes-dramatic challenges, our faith in their strength and fortitude grows. We can understand more deeply that their bodies will almost undoubtedly strive to be well again and that our role as companion during that journey back is rich.