Adventures in Teeth Whitening

So, I tried those teeth whitening strips this morning. The last time I bought my two gallon bottle of Listerine at Costco, there were free samples attached and I don’t know about you but I’m a sucker for free samples. 

I read the instructions carefully—three times in fact, since these are my only teeth I'm talking about here. There’s also a disclaimer on the package that warns you to ask your dentist before using if you have dental work since apparently the gel will not whiten dental work. Well, my dentist goes to Hawaii every year at this time to surf so that was out and I do have a mouthful of dental work, so I figured I was on my own, and I was feeling brave.

I carefully opened the first little foil packet and immediately dropped it in the bathroom sink. It melted clean away in less than three seconds right before my eyes! Swell. I opened packet number two—not over the sink this time—and successfully applied the first clear strip to my lower teeth. The directions say to start with the lower teeth because of the saliva factor (sorry, TMI).

OK, so far so good, “like a piece of cake” I’m thinking. Next I apply the second strip to my upper teeth, getting a little bit on my gums. Then I read "don't allow strip to adhere to gums" but decide to live dangerously and chance it. What’s the worst that can happen? It's only hydrogen peroxide, not fluoride, for crying out loud! 

I stand there grinning at myself in the bathroom mirror, turning my head from side to side, watching as the clear strips actually start turning into gel. "Does Paris Hilton do this?" I'm wondering. The instructions say the strips should melt away in about 10 minutes for most people. Thirty-three minutes later, I realize, I'm not "most people." 

I can't stand it anymore and decide to brush the gunky gel off my teeth; floss too. I don't see much of a difference but the directions do say "use twice a day for two weeks" but I won't need another two gallons of Listerine anytime soon so that’s out. I think I'll wait until my surfing dentist comes back from Hawaii and ask how much a professional whitening job costs. Free whitening strips are not for me.