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Health & Fitness

April Ask Nicole: Practical solutions to everyday parenting challenges

Ask Nicole: Practical solutions to everyday parenting challenges

-By Nicole M. Young, MSW

 

Parenting is hard work—and also incredibly rewarding. One of the greatest challenges any parent faces is balancing the role of parent with all the other priorities in life. Many parents feel they are dropping the ball in one or more areas of their lives at any given time…or is it just me?

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Whether you’re a parent, a grandparent or other caregiver of an infant, toddler, preschooler, elementary school child or teenager, this column has been created for you. It is my hope that this column provides an opportunity for you to share your parenting questions and get answers that help strengthen your relationships with your children.

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This month we’ll cover the complicated and dynamic world of sibling relationships. While this isn’t the first time we’ve covered this issue, clearly it’s an important one for many parents. I hope you’ll find value in the following practical tips and ideas based on the world-renowned Triple P Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County.  If you have a question, please drop me a line at triplep@first5scc.org.

 

 

Dear Nicole,

 

My 6- and 8-year old boys are having a really hard time getting along, and it’s making me crazy. Just about every day they get into this frustrating cycle where all they do is argue. They usually do this when I am not in the room and then one of them comes running to me upset and blaming the other. They each know exactly what to say to push the other’s buttons. What can I do to improve this situation and my sanity?

 

Katy, Bonny Doon

 

Dear Katy,

 

I’ll bet that just about every parent of siblings has experienced some of what you are feeling. I’ve certainly been there. Luckily there are several strategies you can use to minimize this type of conflict…and help you keep your sanity!

 

Use engaging activities to teach cooperation and communication. 

-       Bickering often occurs when children get bored or don’t know how to communicate their needs. To prevent boredom, create a list of activities with your children – things they enjoy doing together and separately – and encourage them to pick a new activity when they start to get restless. 

-       If you have time, participate in an activity with your children. This gives you a chance to spend quality time together. It also gives you a chance to teach skills for cooperating and communicating. Model through your own words and actions – “How should we decide who goes first?  That’s a great idea, Tim.  We can roll the dice to see who goes first.  How does that sound to you, Brandon?”  Have your children practice throughout the activity by asking them, “Whose turn is it now?” or “What happens next?” 

-       Give descriptive praise. “That’s right, Brandon, it’s Tim’s turn next. Thanks for waiting so patiently.”

 

Create “ground rules” for playing together. This is helpful if you need to be in a separate room while your children are playing. Examples include: take turns, use kind words, keep our hands to ourselves, etc. Limit ground rules to just a few so they are easy to remember. State them in the positive (take turns), instead of the negative (don’t grab).

 

Check in periodically. In the beginning, plan to check on them every few minutes. As your children become more skilled at cooperating, you can increase the amount of time between your check-ins. 

 

When you check on your children, acknowledge their efforts to follow the ground rules and get along. Describe the specific behaviors you like – “The two of you are doing a great job taking turns,” or “I appreciate the way you’re cooperating and making the game fun for both of you.”

 

Give your children brief and frequent amounts of quality time throughout the day. Your children may feel they’re getting the attention they crave when you help them resolve their bickering. To shift this pattern, give them your full attention when they want to tell you something, even if it’s just for one minute. 

 

Bickering siblings can really test your parenting skills and patience. But it is possible to teach children cooperation and communication skills by trying a handful of these practical solutions. Remember, small changes can make a big difference!

 

Look for one of Triple P Santa Cruz County’s two pocket guides—one provides general tips and the other is focused on teens. Both pocket guides are free and available at various locations throughout the county, including health clinics, pediatrician offices, schools and First 5 Santa Cruz County.

 

Nicole Young is the mother of two children, ages 10 and 13, who also manages Santa Cruz County’s Triple P - Positive Parenting Program, the world’s leading positive parenting program. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5 Santa Cruz County, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency (Mental Health Services Act) and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. For more information, including classes and one-on-one meetings to help parents handle everyday parenting challenges, visit triplep.first5scc.org, www.facebook.com/triplepscc or www.youtube.com/triplepsantacruzco. To find a Triple P class or practitioner, contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.

 


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