Managing manners and meltdowns at mealtimes

Does this sound familiar? Mealtimes with your children, whether it’s breakfast, lunch, snacks or dinner, become a battle of wills, a very long process or a scene of chaos. Mealtimes with a toddler are busy and chaotic. Your child is a picky eater or resistant to trying new foods. Older children are so busy with homework and extra-curricular activities that they’re unwilling to spend time at the dinner table. It seems impossible to find a time to eat together. You end up making separate meals for everyone at different times. And by the end of the day, you’re exhausted.

All of these scenarios are common at some point for most parents—even though most of us strive to make mealtimes an opportunity to connect and enjoy each other’s company.

Family bonding at mealtimes is so important. Studies show that when families eat together, children tend to do better in school, have higher self-esteem, are less likely to use drugs or alcohol, are less likely to develop eating disorders, and are at lower risk for obesity.

In order to make mealtimes a positive experience, there are many strategies parents or caregivers can use to teach children how to sit at a table, use manners that are appropriate at home and other places, eat healthy meals and participate in conversations. Investing time in learning and using proven strategies will not only help strengthen family bonds, it will also help children develop healthy eating habits.

This month’s positive parenting tips can help children of all ages develop healthy eating habits and make mealtimes more enjoyable for everyone:

Have a daily routine, including regular mealtimes. Establish a set timeframe and routine for meals so children know when to stop playing or working on homework, and get ready to eat. Have everything ready to eat before your child sits down. Avoid making a hungry child wait to eat. This can help prevent complaints and other unwanted behaviors.

Keep your house stocked with a variety of healthy foods. Make it easy for your child to choose healthy foods by minimizing the availability of unhealthy choices whenever possible.  If this will be a big change, try to gradually introduce healthier foods. Avoid snacks within an hour of a scheduled mealtime.

Serve manageable portions. It’s important for children to learn to pay attention to their bodies and notice when they are hungry versus full. An overfull plate can encourage overeating or be intimidating to a picky eater, and it can frustrate parents when their child refuses to finish the meal.  Try serving small portions and let your child ask for more if they are still hungry.

Have at least one meal together as a family each day. In today’s hectic world of long work hours and after school activities, many families find it difficult to get everyone together. But finding the time to bond without interruptions from TV, video games and other activities will only help to create positive and healthy family relationships.

Encourage the behaviors you’d like to see. Help your child learn the mealtime manners that are important in your family - whether it’s using utensils, eating at the table, using napkins, passing food to others, etc. Talk to your child about what you consider appropriate manners, then provide plenty of descriptive praise for their efforts and successes as they learn these skills. Set a good example for your child by setting aside other distractions and focusing on the family conversation. Remember that children learn from what they see – you’re likely to face an uphill battle if you tell your kids to eat their vegetables while you eat ice cream for dinner!

Few parents and caregivers escape mealtime challenges with their children. But using some easy-to-follow tips can give you more peace and quality time together as a family—while also helping your child develop lifelong healthy eating habits.

For more information about Triple P, visit triplep.first5scc.org, www.facebook.com/triplepscc or www.youtube.com/triplepsantacruzco. To get a copy of the Triple P Pocket Guide for Parents or find a Triple P class or practitioner, contact Stephanie Bluford at 831-465-2217 or sbluford@first5scc.org

The Triple P - Positive Parenting Program is made available locally by First 5 Santa Cruz County. Triple P is scientifically proven and is the world’s leading positive parenting program. Triple P offers classes and one-on-one meetings to help parents handle everyday parenting challenges.